I feel quite inspired to write to you from the present. You know how that is don’t you? How writing helps. And how if we can get ahead of our lazy selves it always brings some sort of clarity, even some variance of catharsis. Fifi do you remember how I always whined about the brilliance of certain writers and how I wanted to be able to do just that, to write brilliantly and intelligently like an artist skillfully carving a stone god. I would never forget how you’d chuckle and tell me a story with the wind in your hair, it was a different story each time but it always ended with you telling me to consider the stars how brightly they shone, how seemingly same and endless they looked yet entirely different and independently magnificent. And I never had to ask if you thought I was a magnificent writer.

Fifi, I don’t know why but I keep breaking things. And I also don’t know what to do. I’m alone now. Mostly. It’s hard sometimes but it’s really peaceful. I know you always told me to be strong, but I have a lot to learn about that. I’m trying now to remember your hair in the wind, it was always a statement. A combination of fluidity and strength but most especially freedom. Did you ever break things?

I have to figure out what to do now. I know it’s never too late to put pieces together. I just need the strength to bend and pick them up, I want to promise you that I will.

I feel like I have a bucket load of things to learn about love. You know how I love the idea of it, but you told me to both be careful and carefree when it comes. I’m searching now for that middle ground. Fifi love happened! both ways. But now it feels quite broken and I don’t know what to do. I’m alone now. Mostly. It’s hard sometimes but it’s really peaceful. Father’s teaching me how to walk and I must say, learning to walk is one long, lonesome process, I fall a lot but Father’s encouraging smile is everything. Most especially, by walking, I’m also learning how to love.

Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not envy

Love is selfless

Love does not pay evil with evil

Love is divine.

I’m sorry I didn’t ask earlier, but I hope you’re good and beautiful. I hope the wind still always caresses your hair and I hope to see you soon.

Your friend,

‘kunmi.

31st October 2018

1:15am