Our beings are fragile and sometimes we feel so uncertain…

when I was younger, I would have spells of me questioning my existence. It wasn’t really a question, because a question is deliberate and most times, well thought out and begs to be answered…this was more of an involuntary realization of being. The fact that I existed in a body dawned on me at odd moments, sometimes in my waking moments, sometimes as I slowly fell asleep; it came in a haze, happened in split seconds and I always rushed to stop it because I was always afraid I would most definitely go insane if I pressed any further. This question was not begging to be answered.

Our beings are weighty and sometimes we feel so grounded…

For as long as I started measuring my weight on a tiny scale dad brought home some time ago, it has always been within 50-something kg… the consistency of it is quite interesting. Dad has been working out a lot more since the beginning of this year, Mum joined recently, I joined too (though I’m barely consistent with it) and I see how we treat our bodies as things that must be preserved. We stand firmly on the ground and we let the sweat drip down our faces; we feel how this string of effort affects our bodies.

We constantly oscillate between these two extremes of an essence that’s fleeting yet realer than anything we know. It’s not just with our bodies, it’s with our minds and memories and our love and everything in between. We are not always aware of this question and yet we try to find answers to it everyday.

This is living; preserving the things we call ours one way or the other and making efforts to hold our feet firmly on the ground here and in the hereafter…

Artwork by Johan P. Jonsson